8/3/2k5-JUST-IN-CREDIBLE TURNS TURNCOAT AND ZOMBIFIES…

That’s right it appears our own Zombie Hunter Just-In-Credible began to zombify sometime last week in what at first just appeared to be your regular chemical burn from tampering with evil sciences. The good news is we’re mostly just pulling your leg! Credible managed to identify the wound before it could become lethal. He assumes he obtained it sometime during the construction site escapade with Holly Hellyeah* (I’m telling you read our news and you’ll know what’s going on). After figuring out what the sore was he quickly put some of our good old ?Clean Hands™? on it (which we’ve been suspecting for a long time is just aloe). Then we had him sit down to a good ol’ chicken dinner, which quenched his sudden thirst for flesh. You see you are less likely to become a zombie if you eat meat. It fills kind of a primal need. Zombies expand on that need but if that need has already become fulfilled and is commonplace there is very little reason for the zombie to exist. Of course this still doesn’t stop a lot of zombies, but a few less zombies is a few less things to clean up. This is why vegetarians are more often zombies then good American meat eaters. And that is why we hate vegetarians. SEE THE PICTURE HERE
*NOTE: Holly Hellyeah still has not handed in an application because she has been to busy vowing to the moon and stars that she’ll search the honkytonks and bars and kill the man that gave her that awful name.